To get lucky...
I am a happy woman in general. God has always been taking a great care of me.
I dare to say that one day while living on Bali I had overcome that women’s programming to keep waiting for THE MAN.
The man who will come, deal with all questions, who will fix my roof or kitchen, who will carry my bags... a man I can finally spend my life in love. I realized that for all of the fixings and help I can just hire someone and then - there will be only one reason left why I need a man. That reason is Love.
Learning how to love myself was another step.
Rain, my beautiful son, has been teaching me this since he came in to my life.
How to forgive, be kind, how to nurture and relate without nagging. How to acknowledge a reason behind actions as a wish for exploration and growth. How to give hugs. How to feel loved. How to give love. How to be naughty. And enjoy it!.
My son also teaches me how to wait, repeat and be patient. He educates me that all we do, is not to harm each other, rather than just wanting to do ‘our thing’. I am learning how important is to finish what you've started, just to feel complete.
Through having another being, my son, in my life, I also have learned not to hide my emotions, but to express them, so that he can understand my feelings and why am I sad or why I cry.
My son is an example for me that crying is normal. So I assure him about his right to cry. Of course you can cry when you are in pain, emotional or physical. Also I've learned that whining is not cool, and so we don't do that.
How does it feel to be happy from the bottom of my heart when I want to scream and run around! So many emotions need to be explored! By being a single mom I understood what I can - I can do everything! At the same time - I know what I want. I want to be a better person every day, I like to discover and create, I like to play and laugh, I love that I grow every single day. I have learned self-respect as an extension of my core values. So many things stopped matter with that! If I see myself, the fundamental values that my life is build upon, then I can see life events more clearly. I've learned that by one thought, by one decision I can start or stop the war in my heart. Love stays on top of all emotions and actions for me. As soon as I've chosen to Live in Love. In my crazy-paced beautiful life I took a break. For just myself me and my thoughts. For few days I was doing nothing. And I felt happy. Then, sitting on the most beautiful beach in the world, absolutely relaxed and peaceful, I had a feeling. Feeling that something is missing... I've been thinking, what is it!? Everything was sorted, everything important has been taken care of - my son was happy spending time with his father and American family, my business was taken care of by people who I trust, my dog was played with by my best friend, I had no needs, nothing more to wish for... I was simply enjoying the beauty of present moment. So, what was that feeling...? ...I got it! It was a strong wish to share my happiness with someone. To just look around, feel great, turn to THAT ONE, and say - "Cool, isn't it!?" And so we have met soon thereafter. I’ve been holding his hand and needed no words. We just were there together. Side by side. ".. In each move, each breath, every actions - he is perfect." - I remember saying to my best friend. I knew there were no questions. All there was, was a sounding “YES!” We stayed together even after we physically parted ways, when he was on the other side of the planet. And soon, he came to Bali and we started living together. As two human beings, we had things to fight for ;-). Every time when we couldn't reach agreement I’ve asked myself - "Do I want to spend my life with this person?" Answer was always yes, not even once had I doubt it. We are ‘different animals’ - man and woman, we simply can't see things the same way.
:)
One day we sat down, and the same way to I talk to myself and my son, I’ve spoken to Luko. I've asked a simple thing: What are your core values? Our core values ‘happen to be’ the same:
$ Respect. Whatever happens, we have to treat one another with respect. $ Ability and willingness to listen. Let the other person talk, and say how they see the situation. In life we don’t always see things in the same way, but by listening we can understand another person’s point of view. $ Man never hits a woman. That’s no brainer ;-). $ Do not be mean on purpose. $ Think of each other as a good person and know that Our actions always coming from place of care and love. $ Whatever might be happening around, we are together. $ No assumptions. Assuming something is not helping the situation. Even if it's a small bump on the road it can grow into big and completely different situation, depending on your mood. $ If you love, let him/her sleep. (I mean literally – let your beloved one sleep according to their biological clock and needs.) $ If you feel sad or angry, most likely there you are tired, hungry or sick. It's simple! It has nothing to do with the other person. $ Choose one another every day. $ Question every action of yours - was it done out of love? If not, stop, apologize, start from beginning. $ You don't have to understand everything, just trust, it is natural that we see the world from different angle. Man and woman are different, what makes us Ing and Yang, closing the circle, not drowning the line in between. $ Work on yourself, your behaviors, do not push another person to change. $ Be kissable if you want to be kissed. $ ...and yeah, my morning coffe is full till 1.5cm from the top of the glass! These basics are important. Everything else is just a momentarily like or dislike, and it does not matter.
